Most of my interview subjects were single, but over 100 of them were married or engaged, and they described to me the moment when they first knew a woman was special and had future-wife potential.I had assumed these husbands and fiancés would recall how beautiful their wife was, or how funny or smart she was.The word “nice” gets a bad rap in our society today: I think it is often synonymous with “boring” (which was my own initial assumption! But from my research, I can assure you that marriage-minded men sit up and take notice of women who display kindness before any other trait.The rest of my 1,000 dating “exit interviews” highlight all the small comments and gestures to avoid during the early stages of dating when first impressions are so crucial.As a dating coach and matchmaker, I’ve spent the past ten years conducting some unconventional dating research using a business concept called “Exit Interviews.” I interviewed over 1,000 men who were former dates of my clients, as well as strangers I approached in cafes or bookstores.I asked all these men what turned them on (and off) about the women they had dated.
She told me that whenever she stays at a hotel, she tidies up her room before leaving so the maid won’t be grossed out.When I picked her up, she invited me in for a quick glass of wine before we drove to the restaurant. Do men actually want to marry “bitches” or women who “play it cool,” as I’ve read in some popular advice books?I sat down in this really comfortable leather chair, and while she was in the kitchen opening the wine, I actually fell asleep. Most gals would have taken offense if their date fell asleep on them. Or do they really, deep down, just want someone nice?The anecdotes I heard turned out to be anything but boring.The men’s stories focused on small moments that were fascinating but nothing grand: just brief gestures or comments they remembered when a woman seemed nice, kind, thoughtful, or considerate.
You can read about the Top Ten reasons men said they didn’t call back after a date or after an online flirtation in my new book, WHY HE DIDN’T CALL YOU BACK.